The Sparkled Life

My mom has said to my twice now (if not more), since the beginning of “The Sparkled Life”, that sometimes I only show the good on this site…and forget to show the bad. 

Not that every post must be pessimistic.  It’s just that it is often protratyed that I’m better off than I actually am.

I answered with Pride: if I told the truth, who would then want to be my friend? Who would want to hang out with this girl? Who would want to date this girl? Who would want to take this girl seriously? Who would want this girl on their team? 

I’m too much to love, too much of a liability.

My pride wants to “sparkle” my misfortunes out of fear in that showing my weaknesses, I’ll be left alone for the fight.  Im afraid that people will eventually stop messaging me, stop asking me to hang out, stop wanting me in their lives. 

Its already happened with some.  So maybe that is why my pride built these walls.

But this time, truth must trump. 

Because, if my end goal of this trip, The Sparkled Life, is to create Multiple Sclerosis, then Im not only doing myself a disservice but all those fighting the fight as well by not sharing. 

The truth is, I’m really, really sick. 

So sick that at the moment typing this draft is causing me pain.

Starting last Friday and trickling down through the week, my body relapsed to a bad point.

The real truth is that MS is destroying my body.  And overnight, it took all my hard work of fighting MS away, without even asking. #howrude

Yesterday was suppose to be my 4th infusion of a drug that is/was suppose to help me manage this disease.  However, once the hospital saw my condition, they immediately sent me to the neurologists to figure out what the hell was happening.

I can confirm that yesterday made it on the list of 5 worst days of my MS journey.  I wont go into details but rest assured, it is up there.

The humor of it all was that during the chaos, my mom held my phone to answer phone calls, texts and emails.  This is currently what my phone looks like:

(this is my “Today is ugly and I hate MS face”)

At least we could find the humor, bunny ears and all.

To spare details, today went a little bit more smooth.  A hospital visit, another MRI.

(making hospital gowns look good since March 2012)

Honest truth: I wear the sunglasses to hide my worn, tired, cried on face.

We have no answers yet, no confirmations. 

My team of doctors want what is best for me, they really do care and will start Monday on additional tests, treatments, therapies. etc.  I have faith that the next steps will help bring me back.

So, again, the truth is Im very sick and I need, no, I beg, for your prayers, for your good vibes, for anything you have.  

I’m tired of being that girl who one day is walking around town with her third leg to the next not being able to hold a fork, walk, type and trembles with pain all throughout her body.  I’m so over it. 

Sparkle I will forever.  But those sparkles are now arriving in tears of discouragement.  I need your love.

Thank you.

Love always, Eliz